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  • Writer's pictureRhea Moore

Take Me To Church

His introduction to me was unique. He told me he knew it would sound strange, but he'd been following me on Twitter and knew I was open to topics of spirituality. He wanted to know if I was open to coming to church with him one Sunday morning.

At first I thought this was a troll or someone who was trying to convert me from my "evil" ways. But when he explained his request, I was intrigued.

He told me that he was a new divorcee and just returned home and enjoyed the gathering at his community church. He is an older, wealthy, and SINGLE man. He said he enjoyed church for worship, inspiration, and grounding for the week ahead. His issue? As soon as he became a member, he said,

"The Barricudas started swarming."

Single women saw him as ELIGIBLE! He said he's had to refuse dinner invitations, social gatherings, even date propositions. He didn't want to offend anybody but he said he wasn't interested in using his church community as a pick up place. He thought if he could "hire" me to come and sit through one service with him people might assume that he was taken and that might solve his problem.

Okay! That was new to me. I'm pretty hard to shock. But also, I was pleasantly drawn to his dilemma. I felt excited to attend a service, and oddly turned on by the idea of pretending to be a man's real serious girlfriend. Serious enough to attend services together. I have a strange religious upbringing but the basis of the doctrine I was raised in is Lutheran. So I'm familiar with the commandments, The testimony books, the "What does Luther say about this?" books, and the "Red Hymnal". I'm at ease with the Christian faith and actually do find inspiration in the bible at times, especially the New Testament and mainly the books written by Paul.

I also reasoned that I am willing to go to bars, restaurants, sporting events, theatre, etc.. on dates. So why would I be unwilling to go to a church service.

Sunday morning came and sure enough, he picked me up in a beautiful white porsche suv. He came around to the passenger side and opened my door for me and I got the first glimpse of why women at his church were paying more attention to him than the sermon. At least 6'4", he had a full head of silver hair and a perfectly trimmed, salt and pepper goatee that framed an absolutely stunning smile. He wore a casual white dress shirt with rolled up sleeves that showed off tanned, muscular forearms.

He laughed at me because my jaw might dropped.. just slightly... staring at him. And he smiled at me approvingly. I wore a whispy mid-dress that flowed around my knees to reveal nylons and nice heeled shoes. A light jacket covered the fact that the top showed off a little cleavage. Modest with a little bit of sex appeal....

(in case this really was just a kink of his)

The details of the service are not germane to this story but the experience gave me a tender feeling. Every once in a while he would put his arm around my shoulders, give my neck a squeeze, or put his hand on my thigh. Not in a lustful, sexual way, but more of a familiar, protective, partnership type of way. It made me wonder if I was missing out on something.

Missing out on doing normal, somewhat mundane activities with a partner that I cherished. I knew I was playing a roll but it felt really nice.

Anyway, as we left the auditorium after the service, several people called to him, beckoned him, but he waved them off with the excuse that he and I had brunch plans we had to make it to. Then he held my hand as we walked through the church gardens and on toward the parking lot. It was actually very wonderful.

He chuckled. "That will get their tongues wagging, but I think it worked. Now all I have to do is bring up "my girlfriend" every now and again and I won't be bothered."

We had great conversation during the drive back to my place about the sermon. We shared the inner movement that the experience had led each of us to and how it would reflect in our life. It was really very intimate. By the time we were outside my building I didn't want to get out of the car.

He said, "Well, I've got two hours before the Vikings start."

He parked his car in my lot.

"Let's go up and see this infamous massage table I keep reading about."

In the elevator we were already kissing.

I will tell you what.

No man has ever been able to get my church clothes off that quickly!

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